Throughout the rest of the movie, I had the same type of contraction about every 20 min.  We decided that we would call our midwife Beckie after one more contraction – about 10:00.  Beckie sounded just about as excited as I was feeling – although I was still trying to hide it from Chad.  Chad was doing a little dance and making a song up about the baby coming while I was talking to Beckie.  She offered to come over right then and I told her not to worry about it because I didn’t want to bug her if it was a false labour again.  We agreed that I would call if things progressed.  I went to bed and I didn’t feel any more contractions; it looked as if things had stopped.

About 1:30 AM, I woke up groaning with a contraction.  It wasn’t too painful, but I guess my body thought it was and needed to make some noise.  I waited for the next contraction; it was about 10 min later and just as strong.  I didn’t waste any time. I came downstairs to find Chad on the couch sleeping and he was up like a bullet as soon as he heard me “Baby?” 

Beckie said she was on her way.  I called Marci who was going to sleep in the spare room with the baby monitor incase the girls needed anything.  While I waited for everyone, I had a shower and did a load of laundry.  I wanted the machine empty for any linen we would use.  I had some trouble in the shower and found it very uncomfortable.  I got out quickly and started putting on a few lights including the Christmas tree.  I wanted it to be cozy.

Marci arrived first and was very excited.  I wanted her to be a part of things and she stayed out and talked with Chad and I.  Chad sang her the song he had written for baby earlier while I had been on the phone with Beckie. 

I told Chad to call our doulas Deanna and Julia.  I suppose it is customary to call the doula first before the midwife.  But my labours were usually so quick that we changed things around.  While we waited, Beckie set up her stuff in the bedroom, Chad filled the pool and Marci and I talked.  The contractions were about 5 min apart.  I didn’t really need to brace myself for them, but I had to find a comfortable position.  Julia arrived first and by that time, the pool was filled and Beckie was done.  She had called Cara who would come as the secondary midwife.  I was so pleased that I didn’t have to convince anyone that things were happening quickly.  Everyone listened to me, took me seriously and respected my wishes – even Marci.  Chad called Julia, my dear friend and told her to come – that baby was on its way.

The contractions started to get more painful and I was having to do a little bit of breathing and was having to brace myself.  Cara came and she and Beckie went upstairs to set up two more things for baby.  I went to the bathroom and on the way out had another contraction that I just laid on the floor for.  Beckie was running in behind me every 30 min and checking the fetal heart rate.  My friend Julia showed up and just slipped into the room quietly.

I sat on the couch again and all of us had a really good time, just talking and laughing.  Everyone would keep silent during a contraction and then we would just continue on with our banter where we left off.  Part of me was thinking about the verse in proverbs that says, “a cheerful heart is like medicine” – the other part was wondering what would happen to my couch if it got amniotic fluid on it HEH. 

I decided it was time to go upstairs as the contractions were coming about every 2 min at that point.  I had to breathe very hard to get through.  I just continued to picture my body opening up, pictured the baby coming down and my little girl’s faces when they would see their new best friend for the first time.

At this point I only remember what was happening inside of me.  Everything else is very blurry as to who was in the room and what was being said.  I was kind of scared to get in the pool.  But told Chad to get his shorts on and to get in and that I would join him.  He probably stood there for about ten minutes while I had continual contractions so heavy that I was starting to shake.  Suddenly I felt the urge to push and was trying to decide whether it would be better to have someone pick me up and throw me in the water or take my shorts off HEH.  I voted for the shorts.  I don’t know who got them off for me.  But they were off and my baby was coming.

I lay on my side, as it was how I pushed our second daughter out.  I felt my water break and asked what the colour was – it was clear.  I felt Beckie quickly check my cervix and say “no cervix” and I felt a relief knowing that it was safe to push.  I then felt the fetal heart monitor on my tummy again and heard Beckie say, “It’s good.” 

I then started to have extreme pain in my back.  It was beyond my storage of strength and I started to lose grip.  I could feel myself raging with pain, but it was almost as if I was not there anymore.  I started to groan and cry and tried to tell them that my back was in pain.  Beckie suggested that I get into whatever position I wanted.  I felt a hand in mine and wondered if it was Chad’s.  I couldn’t see clearly anymore and just was thankful for the hand.  I moved onto my back, began to push and felt the baby moving down.  An intense wave of pain rolled through my lower back.

I pushed about three times and could feel that extreme pressure and intense pain in my perineum.  I pushed again and felt such a relief when the head slid out.  The shoulders were nowhere near as intense as the head. I could hear Beckie telling Chad how to manoeuvre the baby and realized that he had been the one delivering the baby.  I felt him move the baby very much like I have seen in videos and with the last push, the baby came tumbling out and was placed on my tummy.  Everyone was surprised to see that the baby had swum the cord in a perfect little knot.  After that discussion, I heard Chad say, “It’s a girl.”  I was still feeling very light headed from the pain and didn’t naturally grab for the baby like I had done with Aidan.  I finally reached for her when I felt her starting to slip and my hand met a little warm head – it was heavenly.  I could see clearly again and heard them talking about cutting the cord.  I had given specific instructions to Beckie and Cara that I did not want to see anything but the baby.  But caught a glimpse of the cord as it was handed to Chad to cut.  I must have looked about as sick as I felt and Julia (the doula) – who’s hand I had been holding (I thought the hand was a little feminine to be Chad’s) threw a cold cloth over my eyes. 

The placenta came out with a breeze and although I didn’t see it, I am told it was a substantial size, as was the cord.  Marci came up and we all talked as I fed the baby – who was starving.  It was a little disconcerting to be a raging lunatic one minute and then be having civilized conversation the next.  We had talked about how I would feel if I had lost control during the birth and I had just joked that I had done it before – I would do it again.  Ah well.

I spent the morning in a zombie like state as we cared for the girls and Kaedmyn.  Finally it was naptime, and I lay down with Kaedmyn – but couldn’t stop staring at her.  I fed her and cuddled her and was absolutely taken with her.  Sleep would have to be a second priority as staring at my baby became the priority.  I woke up later on and had fallen asleep while feeding her.  It was heaven – to say the least.  It feels so amazing to not have left the house at all.  Kaedmyn has never been anywhere else.  As we began to call people and tell them that we had the baby at home – reactions were wonderful.  We had kept things a secret to evade opinions.  We knew what we wanted and that was all that mattered.  I don’t know if any of this will matter to Kaedmyn when she can understand.  But friends and love, joy and peace surrounded her, as she came into the world.  And I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to share those precious moments with everyone who I wanted to be there. 

Lexi

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Mommy and Daddy had been talking about you for three years before you were actually born. We called you Moe, as in "Moe the Embryo."

On Sunday, January 26, 2003, Mommy got up at 6:00 in the morning to do a pregnancy test. When the test turned out to be positive, Mommy couldn’t believe her eyes. She had to look at the test about five or six times before she could believe it. She went into the bedroom and asked Daddy whether he was awake. When Daddy mumbled that he was, Mommy told him "We have a Moe." Daddy couldn’t believe it either but it sure woke him up in a hurry. Mommy and Daddy laid in bed for a couple of hours and talked about how exciting it was that you finally existed.

You were due on Sunday, September 28, 2003. On Wednesday, September 24, Mommy was at home alone when her water suddenly broke. Mommy was very excited because she knew that it meant that you would be born very soon. Mommy called our midwife, Cara McDonald, who said that she would come over. Mommy also called Daddy and told him that you were on your way and that he should come home. Cara came over and soon Daddy came home too. Mommy was having small, irregular contractions. Cara said that Mommy and Daddy should do things like go for a walk and drink red raspberry leaf tea in order for labour to become more regular. Mommy and Daddy watched a movie that night because they really couldn’t concentrate on anything else. The next morning Cara came back and, because Mommy was still having only small(ish), irregular contractions she said that Mommy and Daddy had to go out and walk. So we did. We walked up and down Egerton Road talking about how exciting it was that you would be here soon. Unfortunately, you had decided that you were pretty comfortable inside Mommy and had no intention of moving. Cara visited again that evening, Thursday, and said that Mommy and Daddy could either go to the hospital that night and Mommy would get some medication to speed you up or we could wait until the morning and see what you decided to do.

The next morning, Friday, you still couldn’t decide what you wanted to do. Mommy’s contractions were stronger but they were still nowhere near as strong and regular as they needed to be for you to be born. Mommy and Daddy decided to go to Victoria Hospital. It was around lunchtime, so Daddy waited until Mommy was all settled in her room and then he decided to go get some lunch. Mommy was talking with Cara and that’s when you decided you were ready! Mommy’s contractions were only four minutes apart and they were getting a lot stronger. When Daddy came back he was very surprised. Mommy and Daddy and Cara sat in the room and talked and Daddy helped Mommy through the contractions by looking into her eyes, holding her hands, and breathing with her. Daddy also was responsible for wiping Mommy’s forehead with a cold cloth and making sure that Mommy had lots to drink. At about 5:00pm, Cara checked Mommy and told her it was time for Mommy to get an epidural. Mommy was very relieved because she was very tired after having had contractions for two days. At about 7:30, the anesthesiologist came and gave Mommy an epidural which relieved all of the pain. Mommy and Daddy then tried to get some sleep although this was difficult.

At about 3:00 am on Saturday, September 27, 2003, Mommy started to feel the urge to push and Daddy went to go call the nurse. The nurse called Cara who checked Mommy and said that it was time to start getting ready for you to be born. Mommy started pushing you out at 4:00am. Daddy sat beside her and held her hand and was a great support to Mommy, giving her lots of encouragement and telling her what a great job she was doing. When you were almost born, Daddy looked and said that he could see your hair. That was a surprise because Mommy and Daddy were both bald babies and expected that you would be too. Then out you popped at 5:18 am!!! Cara caught you and quickly gave Daddy the scissors so that he could cut your umbilical cord. Mommy was very anxious to know whether you were Claire Allegria or Alec Nicholas. Cara put you on Mommy’s tummy and Daddy held on to you and told Mommy you were Claire. Mommy and Daddy talked to you for a while and then Cara had to take you to weigh you and examine you. Daddy went with you to get weighed and you were 7 pounds, 4 ounces and 21 inches long and you looked perfect. Cara wrapped you all up in a blanket and brought you back to Mommy. Mommy and Daddy were almost speechless they were so happy to see you.

You came home on Sunday, September 28, 2003. Grandma Diane came to visit you. She had wanted to come to the hospital because she was so excited to meet you but Mommy was too tired and you were sleeping after your big journey. Unfortunately, Grandpa Bill had a cold so it would have been unsafe for him to visit so he had to wait a whole week to see you. You went to visit Grandma Ann and Grandpa Dick at their house when you were only a few days old.

Welcome to the world Claire Allegria Sutton.

Mommy and Daddy love you very much and wonder how, out of all the babies in the world, we were lucky enough to get you.

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Early labour pangs started sometime in the wee hours of Sunday November 30^th, I’m not sure exactly when, but by 5 or 6 am I definitely noticed feeling cramps, though no set pattern. By 7 am I decided that I was feeling something and couldn’t really sleep anymore. Daddy and I got up and did our morning yoga routine, which for me by now was significantly altered, due to the big belly! We ate breakfast, read the paper, our usual Sunday-before-church routine, all the while noting that the cramps were continuing, coming maybe every 10 to 15 minutes, noticeable but not very intense.

We couldn’t quite believe that labour might actually be starting today, on the 30^th – which was the due date I had been given by my two ultrasounds! Could a child of ours actually be on time?

I was feeling a real mix of emotions, nervous, excited, scared, and uncertain. At this early point we didn’t know whether this might be the real thing, false labour, or early labour that might continue at this pace for a day or more. We decided to follow the midwives’ and doula’s advice and try to ignore it for as long as possible. We decided to go to church, but we called Auntie Kathleen and Uncle Gareth to ask them to sit at the back of the church, not in our usual pew at the front, just in case I had to get up and move a bit during a contraction.

We stayed for coffee after church, but I was already starting to feel ‘anxious’ to be home. Nonetheless, we did a few errands on the way home, stopped in at Vita Health and Safeway for some last minute groceries (chocolate!) and also rented 5 movies from Movie Village, with the intention of watching them to keep me occupied through early labour. (Never did watch them though!)

I guess we must have had lunch when we got home, but I don’t remember eating anything! Daddy settled in to work on his thesis for the afternoon. At about 15:00 we decided I should lie down and try to sleep a little, to get some rest now while I could. Oma called while I was trying to sleep, Daddy didn’t want to let on for certain that we were in labour, as we still weren’t sure if it was going to progress or not, so he said that we ‘might’ be in the early stages. I didn’t talk to Oma, but got up soon after her call. I couldn’t sleep; the contractions were too uncomfortable to try to sleep through. So I got up and decided to try painting my ‘labour images’ – pictures that I hoped would help me get through labour – with slogans like “Stay Calm”, “Open Down and Out”, “Open to the Energy” and an image of the energy of the universe spiralling and passing through me to open me up to birth our baby. I managed to paint one “S” – I just couldn’t focus and concentrate! At this point, maybe 16:00, I needed to walk through the contractions – and I chanted my Hindu Sivananda chants – “Jaya Ganesha” “Hari Krishna” “Govinda Jaya Jaya” while walking a circuit around the kitchen and dining room. Daddy was in the study working away on his thesis, and now he started timing the contractions.

By 17:00 the contractions started coming every 4 to 5 minutes and were lasting for a minute. Daddy timed them for the next hour and by 17:45 we decided to call Sonia, our Doula, and Anessa, our midwife-on-call.

This is where, in retrospect, I think I made a judgement error. Both asked if I wanted them to come now; I wasn’t sure, I didn’t want to have them here too early, but I was starting to feel a bit panicky, yet I said, ‘No, I was okay’. For some reason, I still didn’t think that this was real labour and I was expecting it to stop or flatten out. I think the problem was that a big part of me didn’t want labour to progress too quickly – because I really wanted the baby to be born in December! So I had this sense of trying to hold things back and not get into the flow of labour, because I was worried in the back of my mind that if I did that the baby would come on the 30^th and I really wanted it to be born on the 1^st!

The next 2 hours are a blur. Daddy and I pulled out all of the gear for the home birth, the clean sheets, the crock pot, the olive oil, the extra bed inflated in case it was a long night for the midwives and doula. I think because I was fighting labour a bit, I was very present for each contraction and had a difficult time focusing on anything but the pain. I know I was getting quite panicky and really wondering when Sonia and Anessa would arrive. At some point I had asked Daddy to phone Sonia again, to find out when she would arrive and whether I could go into the tub now. We got the okay for the tub, so we headed into the bathroom. Daddy filled the tub with hot water and I would lie down between contractions and then on hands and knees rock through the contraction.

Anessa and Sonia arrived together at about 20:30. I got out of the tub and into the living room so that Anessa could check my cervix and see how far along I was. I was only about 4-5 cm. I remember thinking, “That is not possible, I must be more! I don’t know how much more I can take and I am only 4-5 cm!” Of course, Sonia reminded me that 5 cm is more than half way – but somehow it seemed so like I had so far to go still.

I got back into the tub and laboured there for several hours, lying down covered with a towel in between contractions. When I could feel each rush coming on I would holler for Daddy to quickly remove the towel – I just couldn’t stand to have anything covering my back for one instant during a rush! During each rush, either Sonia or Daddy would compress my hips to help ease the pain. Daddy tried really hard to help me, but sometimes only Sonia’s expert hands would do!

Sometime between 22:00 and 23:00 I got out of the tub and came into the living room for Anessa to check me again. This time I was about 8 cm. UGH! I remember thinking, “I just can’t do this, it is too hard and it hurts too much, what the heck was I thinking ‘home birth’ next time we’re doing this in the hospital with drugs!” 

From this point on I laboured in the living room. We put our yoga mats down on the carpet, covered these with a shower curtain and some sheets. I would rock on my hands and knees during a rush and then lie down on my side to rest in between. Daddy was always with me and would ‘spoon’ me to comfort me as I rested.

Near midnight Anessa checked me again and I was finally pretty much fully dilated, however a little lip of cervix was still in the way. My waters still had not broken, so Anessa asked if I would like her to break them now. We asked whether there was any risk of slowing down labour at this point, and Anessa said, “No”. So we decided she should do it and this way we could make sure that there was no meconium in the waters. I lay down on the living room floor and Anessa used an amni-hook to break my waters. What a relief when Anessa declared that the waters were clear!

I was back on my hands and knees during contractions. I remember at midnight, Daddy whispered in my ear “Rabbits”, (a British tradition I learned from your Great-granddad Tom Barrett – for good luck the first word you utter on the first day of the month has to be “Rabbits”) I thought to myself, “Oh what a relief, we have made it, now it is December and the baby can be born!”

Now that I was fully dilated, Anessa suggested a position change to the birth stool to keep the baby moving down. I found the birth stool quite comfortable, although the effect of gravity did make each rush incredibly intense. I rubbed my belly, using cornstarch to reduce the friction, during rushes to help push the baby down, or held onto the front handles.

I think it was on the birthing stool that I first felt the transition to pushing. All of a sudden the rushes changed and I would be hit by 2 or 3 waves of hugely intense energy and the desire to push. Each wave was so intense I felt as though I would throw up, yet never did. I pushed for a while on the birth stool, then on all fours, then on my knees leaning on Daddy who was sitting on the couch, then in the same position with my right knee up, back on the birthing stool, then back to leaning on Daddy on the couch. Finally, Anessa could see a patch of hair! With each push the patch would get bigger then recede back. In between each rush, Becky, the second midwife, would check the baby’s heartbeat and each time it was strong and steady.

After a while, Anessa said that the head was no longer slipping back, I shifted around into a squatting position, in front of the couch with Daddy sitting behind me and me between his legs. I held Daddy’s hands and squeezed with all my might through each push. Soon Anessa said the head had crowned, she asked if I wanted to touch the head, but I was too scared to touch it! Becky held the front hallway mirror so Daddy and I could see as you came out into the world. A few more pushes and suddenly “whosh” your head was out! Anessa checked around your neck for the cord, but it was okay. Daddy said the room felt electrified and he felt a really intense rush of energy as he held me during the very last push. Then all of a sudden “plop”, there you were a long, red, round baby lying on the living room floor. Daddy exclaimed, “Look how long it is, this is a big baby!” Daddy said ‘baby’ because he didn’t know yet whether you were a boy or a girl!

After a minute or so, it hit us to check whether you were a boy or a girl. We checked between your legs and exclaimed, “It’s a girl!” Now we held you and said, “Hello Lydia!”

After a few more minutes, your cord had stopped pulsing, so it was time to cut it. We put you on the floor in front of me, Anessa clamped the cord, and together Daddy and I cut it; marking your transition from the womb to this world.  

I held you again and we tried to breast feed, but I couldn’t get you latched on right away. You nibbled a bit and nuzzled into my left breast.

Now I had to try to birth your placenta. Becky took you, weighed and measured you, wrapped you in several receiving blankets and gave you to Daddy to hold for the first time. I pushed, but the placenta did not seem to want to come out. Anessa had me shift to lying down on the floor again and I tried to push some more but no luck. I had torn when your head had come out, maybe because your little hand was right beside your face? So I was bleeding a bit. Becky gave me a shot of oxytocin in my leg and some black cohosh herbs to try to help my uterus contract, but still no placenta. Anessa gently tugged on the cord to try to dislodge the placenta – to no avail, in fact part of the cord snapped off. At this point, we started discussing transferring to the hospital. Anessa felt that the suturing would be better done by an ob-gyn as it was a bit of a complex tear. And now that the placenta did not seem to want to come out, Anessa suggested that we should go to the hospital to have it removed.

You were born at 2:17 am and we decided to transfer to the hospital about an hour later. Anessa called the ambulance and the hospital to let them know we were coming. The ambulance took about 20 or 30 minutes to arrive. I was lying on the living room floor and Daddy was cuddling with you. I have to admit, I was starting to be a little bit afraid, because I was starting to feel weak and faint. The ambulance came, and they loaded me up, Anessa held you in the back of the ambulance with me, and Daddy sat in front with the driver. It wasn’t a real emergency, because the ambulance didn’t put on the lights and sirens. In 10 – 15 minutes we arrived at St. Boniface hospital. I was wheeled directly into a waiting OR – I was feeling very faint at this point, and I was scared too. Poor Daddy – the last words I said to him before I went into the OR were “I don’t want to die”. Daddy cuddled you tight in his arms the whole time (2 hours) that I was in the operating room and he thinks that is when you bonded with him and his sweaty smell (he was still in the same t-shirt from the labour and birth). In the OR, I remember feeling a little like I was in the middle of a TV show – “ER” – especially when they ordered the “CBC and cross type” blood work … I was half expecting gorgeous “Dr. Luca” to walk in any minute! First they were going to give me a spinal anaesthesia, but I was starting to faint, so they gave me some oxygen and decided to give me a general anaesthesia. I vaguely remember them putting the mask on my face … the next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room. Daddy was right beside me, and Anessa too. I was relieved to find out that I was okay. As I was coming around, Anessa latched you onto my left breast so you could have your first meal! I was very groggy, but you were strongly latched on and you nursed very well.

Anessa showed me your placenta – it was one of the strangest shaped placentas she and the doctor, Dr. Hooper, had ever seen. Attached to the main “blob” of the placenta, was a “T” with two nodules – one on each arm of the “T”. The placenta was attached in all three spots (at the 2 nodules and the main placenta), so that seemed to be why my body couldn’t manage to birth it on its own! We saved the placenta – it is in a container in the freezer – and we’ll bury it and plant a tree over it at Pake and Beppe’s in the spring. Anessa isn’t sure why the two ultrasounds didn’t show anything strange with the placenta.

A couple of people have suggested to Daddy and I that maybe I was originally carrying twins or even triplets – because I had had some bad bleeding at weeks 7 and 14 – 16 during my pregnancy. Maybe you are a real survivor and were the one who really wanted to be born to us!

From the recovery room, Daddy and I called Oma to tell her that she had a new granddaughter! We tried to call Auntie Sarah, but she had already left for work (it was around 8:00 am in Toronto). We then moved to the ward on the ‘high risk’ side of St. Boniface Hospital … exactly where I had NOT wanted to end up! We were first in a room with four women – it was very cramped, because the regular ward was being renovated and so we were on a temporary ward on the 4^th floor! Daddy called Pake and Beppe to tell them that they had a new granddaughter. Another strange thing is that Pake and Beppe had a message on their answering machine, from about 7:00 in the morning, the voice of an old woman with a definite Dutch accent, saying that she was holding the baby and that Cynthia (Mommy) was okay … we have no idea who left that message! Maybe it was your guardian angel!

Mommy & Lydia on Day 2

We spent the day in the ward; Beppe stayed with me and Pake took Daddy home so he could sleep for a while and have a shower, they returned at around 16:00. I don’t remember much from that first day, I was groggy and weak from blood loss – I lost 1.7 l in total – and I couldn’t get out of bed. I do remember the first time the nurse brought you to me to hold – it was sometime in the morning and it was the first time I was really awake. I held you next to me and nuzzled your little cheek and cried; I couldn’t believe you were actually here and healthy and beautiful!

When Daddy returned, we decided to ask if it was possible to get a private room, and very fortunately one was just coming available later in the evening. Auntie Kathleen and Uncle Gareth arrived around 18:00 to see you. When they left at 19:00, we moved into the private room. This meant that Daddy could spend the night, so he went home with them to pick up extra clothes and some things for me, because we hadn’t even packed a bag to bring to the hospital! He returned at about 8:30. The room was small, but it had its own bathroom and a pull out chair for Daddy to sleep on and room for your cart – so at least we could all be together. I had to ring for the nurse in the night every time you needed to eat, because I was still too weak to get out of bed on my own.

The next day Auntie Sandy came to meet you in the afternoon. The day passed again in a bit of a blur, I was feeling a bit better, because I was able to make it to the bathroom on my own – but I was pretty light-headed by the time I made it back to my bed! We decided to spend a second night – I didn’t want to go home until I was strong enough to pick you up and carry you myself. In the evening of the second day, I managed to walk the length of the hallway – a big accomplishment!

In the morning of the third day, we decided I was strong enough to go home. Pake and Beppe came to help us take you home. We bundled you up in a sleeper, your cousin’s Sophie’s ‘going home from the hospital hat’ and the pink and green baby blanket your Great-grandmother Dolly Barrett made (in her 90s) when I was a teenager - for me to have for my first baby, whenever she should be born, and home we went! Daddy stayed home from work that first week; your favourite place to sleep was nuzzled on his chest with your nose in his armpit! We love you our darling “little foot”, we are so very glad that you have joined us on this journey and adventure together!

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